is your mom at the bar?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
