I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
