Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The air taste purple.
Randomize
