I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
