I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
