Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
