I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize