The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
