I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize