So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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