absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
