see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize