At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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