Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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