you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
