I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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