I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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