Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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