that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
