So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Actions speak louder than pants.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize