I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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