Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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