just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
