shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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