My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
