Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
