I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
