It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
