he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
