only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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