so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
