I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
this hospital has no fireball
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
