i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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