I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
handjob tips. give me some.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
