Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I faked an abortion last night.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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