Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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