32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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