after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
