I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
