my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
