i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize