guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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