He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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