good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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