im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
