Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
