We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
