You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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