Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
