fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
