oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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