Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
