i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
