dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
