the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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