Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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