I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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