Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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