My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
