She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
