the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
