on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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