you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
