there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
