For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
