Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
