I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
