you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize