you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
